I’m fascinated with the concept found in some Native American traditions that we have the ability to heal our entire lineage in both directions. It’s easy to see how the choices we make right now can affect our family’s future but the idea that we are connected by energy to the past and are therefore healing those who came before us as we heal ourselves…well, that’s just the coolest idea ever.
To be honest, I don’t know if it really works that way or not. Maybe our ability to heal our lineage isn’t literal. Perhaps healing comes when we change our perspective of the past.
I once showed up on my mother’s doorstep with the purpose of asking all the questions I had always been afraid to ask. I was determined to get answers but as I listened to her talk about our family, I came to a realization. In my post, The Big Answers, I wrote about it like this:
“My life began to look more like a tapestry where each individual thread had little significance on its own and where the beauty could only be seen by stepping back from it. Interestingly, it was the back side, with all its bumpy nubs and poking threads that was the most revealing of all.”
I’ve always thought of a family history as a linear recording of past events but one day I got an idea to deconstruct the timeline. What I found were hidden connections, common struggles, pivotal moments and everyday choices.
Here’s a glimpse into my family’s bumpy nubs and poking threads:
Larissa, age zero – Larissa never takes a breath outside of her mother’s body. In the days before ultrasounds and fetal monitoring, she is stillborn with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Following the protocol of the day, the doctor insists that her mother remain in the hospital for 10 days, forcing her to miss Larissa’s funeral.
Salvatore, age 4 – Salvatore travels with his family from Sicily to America on a steamer ship. Their first home is a cold water flat in Little Italy, New York City. The steamer chest that carried their belongings is their dining room table. The sweatshops and factories of New York City provide their livelihood.
David, age 7 – Born as quickly as nature would allow after the death of his sister, David is the only one in his family without a middle name. His mother is afraid to name him until she knows he will survive. As a form of consolation she tells him, “You are the only one we had on purpose.”

Antonio, age 13 – Antonio and his 11-year-old sister, Elvira, travel alone from Sicily on a the Napolitan Prince to America with nothing but their dreams and each other. He finds out years later that his future wife came to America on the exact same ship the year before he did.

Sheryl, age 15 – She’s pregnant and marries her sweetheart. She gives birth to her first daughter and in many ways, they raise each other.

Paul, age 20 – After joining the Air Force and being stationed across the country, he meets and marries a beautiful woman, 5 years his senior and the mother of 4 young children. While their marriage is not destined to succeed, they bring a child into the world who has grit and determination (and likes to dabble in writing and family history).

Antoinette, age 21 – On her wedding day, she wears the dress that her soon-to-be mother-in-law stitches by hand, making magic out of the limited fabric that is available during wartime. As the years pass, she often tells her husband that she married him for his mother.

Alice, age 22 – Looking for an expedient way to find a husband, Alice answers an advertisement in the local newspaper. She begins to correspond with Roy and soon the two are married. They are married 63 years and raise 5 children.

Karen, age 24 – On her wedding day, she slips the handmade dress over her head. It’s a perfect fit. It is first worn 50 years earlier by her grandmother. It is a charmed dress, summoning forth 88 years of marriage and counting.

Dolores, age 29 – She is terrified of the voices telling her to hurt her children. She refuses to give in to the taunts and threats so she pushes her children into a closet and guards the door with her life. “I will not kill my children,” she declares. She wins this battle but ultimately surrenders custody of them because she knows the war will be long.
Matthew, age 37 – He is sure he never wants children until she convinces him otherwise. Now, as he stands in the hospital room with the tiny, bundled body of his son in his arms, he tells his wife, “I’m not sure how life is going to change, but I have no doubt that it’s going to.”

Cathy, age 54 – When her 2nd granddaughter is born, everyone comments on how the baby looks just like her. She beams with pride even though they don’t share an ounce of blood. She is her step-daughter’s bonus mom and she wears the title of Grandmother with honor and great joy.

Antoinette, age 61 – Her granddaughter gives her a “Grandmother Remembers” book to fill out as a way for her to record their family history. In the section titled The Future she writes:
“My wish for the future is seeing my family grow in love and harmony. I would love to see you grow into a young woman doing the thing you love best – whether it’s a career or marriage – why not both? Karen, always remember your family. We love you through the rough times (which we all have) and the good times (may you have many!). Always know that I am here for you. That’s what Grandmothers are for.”
Sheryl, age 72 – Her firstborn is gone. She has suffered many losses – a daughter during childbirth, the father of her children to suicide, her father, her mother, two brothers. But losing her daughter is like losing her baby, sister and best friend all at once.
Salvatore, age 89 – He lies in the hospital bed surrounded by his wife of 68 years, his children and his grandchildren. He takes his last breaths. He is a war hero and a successful businessman but his finest achievement is the love in this room.

Antoinette, age 91 – When told what day it is, she replies, “Yea, who the f*ck cares.”

Looking at our family history can be both painful and nostalgic. There are ordinary events intertwined with profound moments. History repeats itself and cycles fail to be broken. Miracles are threaded with mysteries and if we’re lucky, grace abounds. The tapestry endures.
*****
I met Karen via Christy over a year ago. And, as Christy predicted, we became soul sisters almost immediately. She is the true epitome of a “heart teller” and she teaches me every day how to be a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, and person.
I have no doubt that Karen’s story stirred your soul like it did mine. Thank you to Karen from the bumpy nubbed bottom of my heart.
I’m Karen Perry and I live in sunny Arizona with my husband, two kids and two dogs. I write at MendedMusings.com about family, God, my recovery from sexual abuse and the desire that most of us have to be authentic in all aspects of our lives. You can visit me on my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter @MendedMusings. Contact me at karen@mendedmusings.com.
*****
The Red Thread Diaries: An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break. ~~Ancient Chinese Proverb
Tell us about your experience with unbreakable bonds.
Are you interested in submitting? Inquire here or on the Submit Me page – taking entries for January.
Karen, you have a gift. I loved how even though I knew no one on that tapestry of yours, your words made me feel connected to them. Thanks for the touching post and reminder that the past, present and future are all part of one grand quilt we call family.
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Charissa, When I first read your comment I thought the last word was “guilt” not “quilt.” (Apparently, I need to put on my glasses before I start reading and commenting. LOL) Hmmm … I guess I still have some healing to do. ♥♥
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I guess I should do capital Qs from now on because the q and g can look a lot alike. Hee hee. I can totally see how you’d think that. But we don’t need any more guilt, just quilts.
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Thank you Charissa! It was a fun and challenging post to write. I’m so glad you felt a connection!
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“Your words made me feel connected to them.”
That’s exactly how I felt when I read it for the first time as a draft. I wanted to know more, see their faces, and know their stories.
Your comment weaves its only special thread – makes me want to know more about everyone’s history. I always love seeing you here, Char. xo
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You’re a sweetheart, Michelle. I love all the cool posts you pull together on your blog and all the new people I meet.
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Wow, what an amazing way to look back on a story that is still being told. ❤
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I love how you phrased that! It’s cool to think that even after we’re gone from this earth, our story is still being told by those who are still here. Thank you! ❤
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❤️❤️❤️
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beautiful….
i love the non-linear telling, that resonated so much with me.
Antoiette and who the fuck cares! lol..a woman after my own heart!
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She’s my hero. When you have 91 years under your belt, you don’t have to whitewash anything! 🙂
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The Heart Teller strikes again. These stories lured me, and now I want to know more.
I also think that Karen and Antoinette share a gorgeous smile – I’m working on my well-timed f-bombs as we speak 😉
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Karen, This is incredible. When did you find the time? It is a beautiful tribute to family and the power of healing. Beautiful. I’m with Michelle .. “stirred my soul.” ♥ Lis
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Lisa, this post took me weeks to write and I really struggled with it. I loved the concept but it took so long for the pieces to fall into place that I almost gave up on it several times. I kept asking myself, “what is this about?” and ultimately it became about shared struggles bound by love. It was so healing for me to shift my focus and write about my family this way. ❤
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I know how long this took you and the heart you put into it. The knowledge of that humbles me even more that you let me share it here first. Truly masterful, Karen. I can’t say enough. xo
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Hi Lisa!
Thank you for visiting Karen over here. She sent a draft of this to me early with the preface, “I don’t know if this is working…” Ha! If she only knew 🙂
I echo your words – incredible!
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I hope these details of tapestry are never lost in your family! They’ve been cared for incredibly so far. I wish I knew these details of those who came before me in this lineage.
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As I was writing this, I realized that I don’t know as much about my family as I thought I did. The hardest bits of “history” to write were the most recent. Thank you for the kind words Eli!
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“Seek and you shall find” Eli. Doesn’t it make you want to dig in and see?
I loved the chronology of this piece – truly masterful piece of writing.
I hope you’re doing well–always am honored to see you here.
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I have a feeling I’d find an ancestor who stumbled through life just the way I do!
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Apples and trees and all that stuff 🙂
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I could’ve swore I replied to your comment this morning but now it’s missing! Anyway, as I was putting this post together, I was surprised at how little I actually know about my family. There are some cherished stories that have been told over and over but at times it was a struggle to fill in the gaps. I see everyone as more human than I did before, which is a gift to me. Thank you Eli!
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I love looking at the tapestry that makes up our families. I also love puzzles, and what a puzzle we all have within our own families. This was a beautiful telling. Thank you for sharing your mad, amazing family with us.
Particularly resonating for me: My paternal grandmother was also born after the death of a brother and her mother refused to name her until she was certain this baby would survive. Like David, my grandmother was eventually given a first name, but not a middle name. My mother gave birth to a girl who lived two days before dying of a heart defect. She, also was kept in the hospital and missed her baby’s funeral.
I think that in every family there should be someone who keeps the stories alive.
Well done.
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It’s so heartbreaking what happened to our mothers and grandmothers. When I was compiling the information about my family, it was shocking to see how many children were lost in my family. It’s a common thread that so many of our families share. Thank you Mary!
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My grandma buried two children, four grandchildren, and her husband before she finally passed away at 94 (ish?). I still don’t know how her heart survived. I remember her telling me, “A woman should never have to outlive her grandchildren.”
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Mary,
Reading your comments gave me goosebumps. “I think that in every family there should be someone who keeps the stories alive.”
YES! Karen’s piece makes me want to do exactly that.
Have you read anything of Sally Mann? She is most known for her controversial photography, but her storytelling (within the context of a complicated family history) is magic – very similar to what Karen gifted us with today.
So happy to see you, my friend! I hope you’re doing well. xo
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Gorgeous telling of the bumps and nubs…and you almost got me interested in the history and where they all fit, but I suppose the point is that they don’t have to fit within each other’s timelines, because they each fit (and don’t) within their own 🙂 Wonderful.
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Hello beautiful Lizzi!
I did exactly what you said. I drew mental lines between the paragraphs and looked for genetics in the photos. Some might say it’s the scientist in me, I know it’s my curious heart.
Thank you for being here, my friend. I hope to catch up with you later this week. xo
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I always have time for you, lovely lady 🙂
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Yes! That’s it exactly. It was such a fun challenge to look at it from this angle. 🙂
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Absolutely brilliant. Sparkly and pure and true.
Dolores…<3
Antoinette…After 40 years I am finally learning to embrace with gusto a well-timed F-bomb. Sounds like Antoinette has mastered that timing. 🙂
I love the idea of healing past and future through our present. Fascinating. Everyone always says, the past is done, nothing we can do about it, it is what it is. But what if it's not? Time and spirit is fluid and always changing and always in motion, and if something can swing forward, something must be able to swing backward too, no? Anyway, all that philosophical musing is right up my alley.
I love seeing how you and Michelle have blossomed into such good friends. ❤
Fabulous post, Karen. I believe. 🙂
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My dearest Christy,
I knew you’d love this. It was last year that Karen first introduced the notion of healing lives through the past and future to me. How my children possess that power right now. Fascinating and full of hope. See! I can barely write coherent sentences. Thank goodness I have awesome friends to bail me out (have you see the list of characters in the comment thread? I’m blown away by everyone on here)
As for the well-timed F-Bomb…you’ll give Antoinette a run for her money 😉
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I’ve always thought that we limit ourselves by thinking of time as linear. I suspect that there are many things we will never fully comprehend in this world. Thank you lovely Christy! I’m so glad you introduced me and Michelle. ❤ ❤ ❤
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What a lovely, wonderful post. In fact, I found it so inspiring, I’m going to contact my mother about sitting down with her the next time I visit and get her family’s history in more detail. She’s hinted about having me write something up about it, but that’s not my forte. I write thrillers. But now you’ve got me thinking, with all the stakes our ancestors had to deal with, who says we couldn’t make a thriller out of it?
I really enjoyed reading this. What life experiences your family has weathered.
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Past – present- future? I feel a Carrie Rubin sequel in the works!!
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Haha, really. I’ll have covered all the bases then. 🙂
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Yes! Cuz inquiring minds want to know what happened to Sydney and Casper 😉
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I’d like to know too. 😉 But I’ll probably never find out. I’m not a science fiction writer (I consider what I did in that book very light in the sci fi department), and I could never do a sequel justice. We’ll just have to assume they’re happy. 😉
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The best assumption of all.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
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Oooh! A family thriller! I love it. It’s wonderful that your mother is willing to share her family history with you. I found out so many interesting tidbits just going through old photos with my mom. It made my imagination run wild about the details that have been lost. Thank you Carrie!
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What a interesting lineage there. So many fascinating stories, some happy, some sad. I wonder what I would find if I dug so deep. Thank you for sharing Karen, and for posting Michelle.
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Thank you Marissa! It was a fun project for sure. 🙂
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What a phenomenal post.
I wish I knew more of my past relations – both my Grandfathers were dead long before I was born. One fought in WWI – he was gassed – I have a photo post card of him with others in a hospital recovering in Brighton. He went on to be very involved in the Labour movement of the inter-war years being on the national executive of a union and a local politician. The other spent most of his life at sea in the navy and merchant navy even surviving a direct hit on his ship on a North Atlantic convoy in WWII.
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What a different world our grandfathers lived in. Imagine how much our progeny will know about us with so many blogs, journals and digital photographs! I like to think that’s a good thing but time will tell. 😉 ❤
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The healing! the celebration! That’s all that kept moving heart through this post. This is such a wonderfully creative way to reflect on family journeys through time. Your writing is quite inspirational. Thank you.
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Thank you so much! I’m glad it came through that way. I wasn’t sure at all that it would. 🙂
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MAGICAL. Fascinating.
I loved every photo, story, detail, & history of each person.
WOW. And this cracked me up: “When told what day it is, she replies, “Yea, who the f*ck cares.”
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Thank you so much! My grandma is the very definition of spunky. 😉
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Hi Kim!
I’m so happy to see you and Karen cross paths here. It’s always magic when two talented and kind women interact.
I always love seeing you here. xo
Love from Kansas!
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You filled my heart, Karen. You always do. This is so exquisite. I don’t have words. So happy to have you as part of my own journey. XO
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Oh, sweet Jessica, I feel the same about you. Thank you isn’t enough. xxoo
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Karen, I’m so happy you replied because I was just going to respond to your post again by telling you — while I was so deeply moved by the weaving of your family history, it was this that hit me the most: “Perhaps healing comes when we change our perspective of the past.” There is such deep profound truth to that statement. It is the epitome of wellness and living in the here and now. It’s liberating. This is such a beautiful piece of work.
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People always say, “The past is the past.” I agree but I’ve always thought that what those facts mean doesn’t necessarily mean what we’ve always believed. In that way, the past truly CAN change. There is healing in understanding that. xxoo
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Love what you wrote, Jessica! Everything Karen writes moves me.
Thank you for taking the time to visit her over here, and comment. Have a great weekend!
Michelle
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Thank you! This is so fun and I’m happy to have found you through Karen. Take care!
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Heart – touching
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Thank you!
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A beautiful touch of personal identity. What a great way to tell the history of your family, to keep these memories alive. I particularly enjoyed looking at the pictures. Thanks for sharing, Karen.
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Thank you! It was fun putting it all together. 🙂
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Nice post..Keep up the good work!
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Written with a deft hand to stand out in an overcrowded field
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really fascinating
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Thanks!
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I love this so much – so authentic and raw. So beautiful – some stories parallel my stories along with names and some so different I can’t even fathom. All I can say is so beautiful.
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Thank you! We have some strong immigrant roots. 🙂
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That we do!
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Reblogged this on The Mercenary Researcher and commented:
This is one of the most moving posts I’ve read. I am so proud to be a part of Karen’s world.
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Wonderful post! I love the details you share of their lives and how they all look together. Family is full of intersecting lives, good and bad times.
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Isn’t that the truth! I’ve always tended to focus on the negative but writing it out this way helped me to see the bigger picture. Thank you Amy!
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The telling of this story was so beautiful and generous to each role of the tapestry. I love the fact that you fill us in on some characters years after their introduction, showing how life can change and affect someone but the love stays amazingly consistent. Really loved it, thanks for sharing! I’m attempting to do similar things on my blog, but I’ve only just begun so any good vibes from a story-teller like you would be much appreciated! 🙂
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I’m happy to send you good vibes! Definitely try it with your family. So many cool things reveal themselved. 🙂
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Also loved the pictures, each one captured something of what you put into words.
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http://poetessdesblog.com/
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Yeah, I’m with Anoinette on that last one, haha. This is so brilliant, Karen. I LOVE the idea of doing this for some of the interesting characters in my family. I have never heard that link to healing the past, and it’s so very cool…I know that’s something I’m going to hang onto and share with others. Family history is fascinating and to believe we’re still linked and connected – even after they’re long gone – well that’s the way I want it to be. Thank you, Michelle, for sharing Karen’s gem here!
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I was hoping that someone would be inspired to do this with their own family! It really evolved on its own and it felt like some stories fought for my attention. Thanks so much Kristen! xxoo
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Nice photo
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t’s wonderful that your mother is willing to share her family history with you.
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The telling of this story was so beautiful and generous to each role of the tapestry.
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Thank you!
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Great read, Thanks. Excellent word choice and great to hear your enthusiasm. Kind regards
Jonathan Gilchrist
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Thank you!
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Really enjoyed your post. It makes me want to find out more about my ancestry! In my immediate family only there are four diabetics — quite rare — I think the bumps and pokes are more or less caused by actual needles in my case! Haha!
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Wow! I wonder what you’ll find if you look back into your family history? Good luck!
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One thing I’ve discovered since the internet made researching families easier. Many family stories don’t stand up very well to facts. But usually the stories are more fun than the facts. I do wonder, though, why my grandfather many times removed and his three brothers joined with George Washington’s rebels to fight the British in Pennsylvania. No family stories have survived about this.
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I’d love to know why they did that too! It’s so rare to find written accounts of individual families that go back that far and important details get lost in the stories that are passed down. We’re lucky when we have a story to support the facts! As soon as a story stops being told it’s lost forever.
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I am just blown away by this post. You weaved a beautiful story together through generations and brought them to life!!! Thank you.
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Thanks so much! 🙂
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wow~, that’s great
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What a beautiful way to honour your family and heal through the lineage. Very inspiring.
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Thanks so much!
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Holy mackerel! I’m so glad I hopped over here to read this. I know I’ve read a piece or more that you’ve posted, but I’ve GOT to read more. What got me first was when you talked about healing our lineage in both directions, and you weren’t sure this was actually so. And looking at life in a non-linear fashion. First, from my personal experience, we most certainly can heal our lineage in both directions. In fact, quite recently, I had a healing session that not only blew my mind, but created healing in every direction, because I know life to be an interconnected web/ tapestry. It literally created healing for me, my family here now, and my family who are dead and gone, back many generations (Dad, who passed away in 2012, popped in to express his thanks and say how impressed he was with what I did- and I can’t even consciously comprehend all of what shifted). I’m still processing what happened over a week ago. My deepest thanks to Michelle for this beautiful blog/ space.
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I’m a believer Susan! I don’t know exactly how it works but I know it does. Thank you for sharing your story! I haven’t been over to your blog in awhile and it’s long overdue. Much love to you!
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Just an FYI, when I try to go to your site, my virus scan software keeps giving me the message of malware detected, and blocks the site. It’s happened for a while, as I’ve tried to go there a few times. It might just be a Bitdefender false positive, but I wanted to let you know. I’ll be able to read your blog on my iPad though.
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That’s weird! It’s a standard WordPress site so I have no idea what could be going on. Thanks for letting me know!
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I think it’s likely that it’s a false positive from Bitdefender. Anyhoo, FYI, my most recent post is right here on Mama Mick’s blog (a guest post earlier this week).
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I saw it and commented! It’s a wonderful piece. ❤
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Thank you so much. Yes, that’s one of the reasons you came to mind. (I’m a bit brain-dead lately). Cheers.
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