A Chorus of Lovely Voices · Guest Posts

How to Find and Speak Your Truth: A Guest Post by Rose Lockinger

Pic1

For many years I was afraid to speak my truth. I was a chameleon, being whoever it is that you wanted me to be, and I had no true idea of who I actually was. I’m not entirely sure when this started, as I know that I was not born to hide myself away, but at some point in my life I learned that being what other people wanted me to be was a good way to avoid getting hurt. I don’t believe that I am alone in this, as I think it is an unspoken societal truth that we are taught at an earlier age, don’t show other people who you are and only put forth your best foot. Especially as female, I was surrounded with unrealistic depictions of beauty and poise that I knew that no matter how much I tried I could never truly live up to, and so I would hide away who I was, and just go along with what people said or did. In any given moment I would switch my beliefs to match that of yours, so that you’d like me, and in turn validate me. See it was more important for you to like and accept me and then for me to like and accept me, and for years this way of going about living seemed to serve me well.

I personally have an added layer to this because for many years I was an alcoholic, and I knew that in order to continue to drink and drug the way that I had to, I couldn’t let people get too close to me. Plus the act of agreeing with people seemed to keep them off my back, which in turn allowed me to continue to drink. The problem with this way of living is that it is not sustainable and eventually everything came crumbling down for me and at last the truth was exposed. As uncomfortable as this experience was, it was freeing as well, because at long last I knew that I no longer had to hide who I was or what it was I wanted to say.The process of getting sober is difficult for anyone however when it comes to women there are some hurdles we face in recovery that men don’t. Being a mom adds an extra layer to the already difficult process of getting sober.  As you need to learn to take care of yourself first.  This and learning how to set boundaries were one of the hardest lessons I learned in sobriety.

Learning how to speak my truth didn’t come about all at once but it has been a process with both steps forward and steps backwards, and at the heart of it all has been the journey to the acceptance of myself. Some of my earliest memories are that of feeling different. I spent many years living abroad and the fact that I was a Canadian born girl, living in Peru, who had red hair, pale skin, and green eyes, always made me extremely self-conscious. I always wanted to be someone else and this feeling of not being comfortable in my own skin created the perfect situation for a denial of self. When I was finally forced to face myself it was a struggle to drop these old ideas and learn to accept myself just as I was.

Part of what allowed me to do this was to truly take a look at my life. I had to go back through all of the pain and everything that I shut out for so long and really own it and feel it. This act allowed me to see that yes I had done some things in my life that I wasn’t proud of, but overall I was a good person and I deserved to be loved.  I was enough, there was beauty in the imperfections this is what made me, me. I didn’t need to be someone else, I didn’t need to be who I thought you wanted me to be, I just had to be myself, and if you didn’t want to be in my life because of that, it was okay, I wouldn’t die.

For many years I struggled to keep people in my life that had no business being there because I was so afraid of what their departure would mean. My image of who I was, was so fragile that I would put up with anything just to keep you around. This changed however when I started to truly accept myself and through work with a therapist I began to be able to speak my truth and set boundaries. The act of setting boundaries was extremely difficult for me at first and it was exceedingly uncomfortable as well. I wasn’t used to telling people no, or telling them that it was not okay to treat me that way, but over time doing this became easier and had the added effect of allowing me to accept myself further. This was not the only benefit boundaries created a sense of safety and security that I had never experienced.

Something that was indispensable to me in learning to speak my truth was coming to know a God that I could relate to a “God of my own understanding”. I grew up in very Christian home, to the point where the reason why I was in Peru growing up is because my parents were missionaries. This God of my childhood brought me such guilt over who I was and the things I did, that it is not wonder I denied my true self for so long. For many years I held God directly responsible for the trauma that happened to me growing up. When I finally found a God that I could relate to, that I knew loved me unconditionally, and accepted me for who I was, I began to be able to accept myself more and more.I had found a God that spoke my truth.

I have found that my relationship with God has given me strength to speak my truth when I otherwise would have crumpled. This God is one of love and kindness who has shown up in my life in very tangible ways. This God has allowed me to do and say things that I would have never been able to in the past. I am no longer a doormat for people to walk over, I no longer apologize for my beliefs or thoughts, but rather I stand as the woman I have always wanted to be, learning to accept myself more and more every day. When I am alone with my thoughts I am not plagued by confusion and guilt as I was when I was busy denying myself. It took me a while to get here, but I am grateful that I finally know who Rose is.

*****

Pic2

 

Rose Lockinger is passionate member of the recovery community. A rebel who found her cause, she uses blogging and social media to raise the awareness about the disease of addiction. She has visited all over North and South America. Single mom to two beautiful children she has learned parenting is without a doubt the most rewarding job in the world. Currently the Outreach Director at Stodzy Internet Marketing.

You can find her on LinkedIn, Facebook, & Instagram

*****

Note from Michelle: Oh my goodness! Wasn’t this amazing? When Rose reached out to me several weeks ago, I knew I wanted you to read her, too. What one of us hasn’t had difficulty finding our voice? We get caught up in the noise of everything else as well as the notion of who we think we should be.

Please take the time to click on the links for the rich content behind them. And leave some love for Rose below in the comments – you will absolutely love interacting with her kind, gentle, and confident spirit.

Thank you, dear Rose, for sharing your story and letting us hear your lovely voice. xo

 

47 thoughts on “How to Find and Speak Your Truth: A Guest Post by Rose Lockinger

  1. This was beautiful and inspiring, Rose. (Thanks Michelle for posting her so I could read her thoughts). That seems to be a battle most of us have to fight in life–finding out who we really are and standing true to what we feel and believe, instead of hanging on to others for confidence and power.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Charissa, for the kinds words I am so grateful for the experiences in my life that have brought me to this point of freedom!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well done Rose. it is a very big journey, but the realisation of that love of self finally makes up for enduring those very hard yards. It can only be appreciated because of the self love that it builds to find that heart within. And once discovered, a new journey begins.
    Welcome home my friend, the journey in your words is a healing in itself. Namaste

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Mark and Namaste to you as well, how true it is that words can heal the soul, the power of written and spoken words is immense and have set me free in a way I never could have imagined!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Words from the heart, to self or others have great power. They can build or destroy, and you are creating the beauty they were meant for, to finally go past your fears and learn to re-love yourself and find that unconditional love within, well done.
        It is not an easy journey but one that will be appreciated because of what it has taken to reach this place in your heart 🙂

        Like

    1. Those three words “I am enough” have so much power for me, on a daily basis, they remind of my strength, not weakness! Thank you Mark for taking the time to read and please feel free to share!

      Like

  3. Rose, what a morning this is. Yours is the second deeply honest and inspiring piece I’ve read this morning that deals in some way with the price of self-denial and the work of recovery from that. (The other is over on Nicole Lyons’ “Lithium Chronicles” and I reblogged it.) Thanks Michelle for introducing me to another new voice.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your heartfelt words and encouragement! I will definitely have to check out Nicole’s post as well! I appreciate you reblogging this post! Self-denial is a horrible price to pay and the pain is unbearable. The cognitive dissonance leaves one so broken. I am grateful to have survived and then grown from that pain!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Rose!
    I knew your words would resonate with so many. Don’t I have the kindest friends?
    Thank you so much for sharing your personal truths this morning – you’ve brought a ray of sunshine to my space.
    Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautiful Rose…
    as a recovering alcoholic myself your words deeply resonated with me.
    What a gift we have given ourselves in getting sober!
    a 360 degree turn in life…not easy but so incredibly fulfilling.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Mishedup,
      Yes, it is such a beautiful gift to have this second chance at life!! No, it is not easy but worth every tear for a freedom I never thought possible!

      Thank you!

      Like

  6. Rose, this was beautiful in its simplicity – it didn’t ask for pity or support, just explained things as they were – explained you, as you are, and you seem well on your way to becoming the wonderful person in-her-own-right we all have the potential to be, but so many of us miss.

    I so related to your experiences of guilt and shame for who you are, growing up under a god who seems distant and disapproving. Thank you for sharing your story so frankly.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lizzie,

      Thank you for pointing out that I was simply speaking and not asking for support or pity, wow this reminds me of how much I have grown. For so long I lived in the victim mentality! I am so grateful to finally have moved past that. My hope is that more people would find inspiration to learn how to truly find themselves. I am so grateful for this opportunity that was given to me to share my story!!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh, that’s brilliant – I’m so glad you can SEE where you’ve grown and changed. That’s an exciting place to be (having been in the process of getting there myself, and beginning to see results, I know the thrill).

        I shall join my hopes with yours, for others being able to find themselves and look back at the huge positive steps they’ve taken.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you Rose for sharing this amazing journey and Michelle for the introduction! Taking care of ourselves is one the hardest thing we women do I have discovered. I loved every word of this.

    Like

    1. Hey Sweetie!
      Thank you for popping in and making Rose feel welcome. You are so right as you talk about taking care of ourselves. In fact, I’ve learned a lot from you in last few months and I so appreciate you being here. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I so love your journey Rose! Such a kindred spirit. Kudos to you for all the work you’ve done and progress you’ve made. Creating boundaries and learning to love myself have been two of the single most critical things I’ve ever done. Thank you for sharing your story. (Thank you Michelle for sharing Rose with us!).

    Like

  9. So beautifully expressed and written. Inspiring. Thank you.
    I love it when someone uses a hardship in their own lives in order to give back to others. Inspiring and great role modeling for others, children included.

    Peta

    Like

  10. I must have had my head in the sand. I have missed a couple of your posts and I am relishing this one. I have many sober friends (and am in a codependency program) and this post embodies what recovery is truly all about. God bless you Rose. xo Joanne

    Like

    1. Wasn’t Rose amazing?? I knew her words would resonate. I’m featuring a young woman tomorrow – she’s rocks, too.
      Thank you for being here today, Joanne. I’ll be coming back to the bloggy world soon – got some stories brewing!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. What a beautiful person you are Rose! I’m so glad you found your voice and that you shared it with us. You have an extraordinary story, but one shared by many. God is truly a loving God and He loves us no matter how badly we mess up! Isn’t He good?? I don’t know if I could love me sometimes… glad He does, eh? 😉
    It’s nice to meetcha! May God continue to bless you in your walk of life! ❤
    Thank you Michelle for introducing us to another amazing person!! 😘

    Like

  12. ——Rose,
    Thrilled that you’ve found your “TRUE VOICE.”
    This is what the reader desires: Authenticity, Flaws, People like them!
    Also, I’m happy you’ve finally found a God that loves you just as you are!
    xx from MN.

    Like

  13. Rose, I could relate to so much in your post. I wish we could all have the courage to take the leap of faith and uncover and accept our true voices…something I surely am still learning to do. Xo

    Like

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s