Adventures in Imperfection · Inspirational People

Who’s Your Daddy?

I am surrounded by fantastic dads.

I was raised by one and I’m married to one. My husband was raised by a great father and my brothers/brothers in-laws are awesome dads, too. I pray to One and am surrounded by daddy friends and coaches who are amazing, too.

See a theme here?

It would be easy to get mushy and sappy, and I’m taking a decidedly a different direction. In fact, I gave my Dad his present earlier in the week and couldn’t bring myself to write down all of the emotions that come with being the oldest daughter of a great man. His daughter, the writer, unceremoniously pushed his gift in front of him without a single note of sentiment. He drank his coffee while he thumbed through the book, So God Made a Farmer, and I hoped he understood all I couldn’t say – I’m so proud and blessed to be his and love him more every day.

May 1991
May 1991

There’s another good daddy I see almost every day. I won’t embarrass him with a lot of sap and mush either. He’s not big on sentiment, wiggles when I hold his hand, and is way too humble when I tell him what a great father he is to our two kiddos. I leave all of the hard stuff to him and I’d be lost if I had to fight the battles alone.

My husband is hilarious – especially when he’s not trying to be. Back in the day, girls fell at this feet because of his ice-blue eyes, crooked smile, and cute butt.

Not me.

I rolled my eyes at his legion of blonde, big-haired, video vamp look-a-likes and ignored him. But, it didn’t take long to notice that behind those blues eyes lay a kind heart and wicked sense of dry humor. Not just “sorta funny”, but laugh-out-loud-and-snort-your-beer-funny.

As a gift to him and my kids, I’m going to share quotes and one-liners from Big Daddy himself. While these may be “you had to be there” moments, there will be people who  will know exactly what I’m talking about.

~~~~

Schtuff Big Daddy Says

Parenting 101

  • Quit licking your sister
  • Get off me!
  • AUGH! Why are you sharing your body heat with me?
  • You can only get that thing so clean
  • Don’t drink the meat
  • What is he DOING in there?

Profound Thoughts

  • This room is so small; I have to go outside to change my mind
  • If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose
  • If its and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas
  • It’s finer than frog hair
  • Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs
  • Tighter than a gnat’s a$$ stretched over a rain barrel

Housekeeping Tips

  • I guess you shouldn’t shake a candle to put it out
  • It smells like cat sh*^t in here
  • Just take a leaf blower to it
  • Where’s the spray for the dog puke?
  • You need to grass this whole yard
  • That’s not how you clean a potato

Friends don’t let BD Text

  • Just skip it and go stare at the mountains
  • I got a little container of spackling to fill the holes 🙂
  • Sure, if you can walk around in non-standing water
  • I just didn’t want you to get in the habit of biting things
  • I know, I might do it in the dark
  • Your son’s EMAW shirt doesn’t even go to his waist, I made him change
  • Don’t normal people register vehicles?
The Bloggess!
Jenny Rocks!

How to do Everything Better

  • Scoop and Swoop! You should scoop all of the bacon—then put it on the plate in one swoop
  • Who needs this many pillows?
  • You’re messing up my system
  • Keep all the meat in one spot. That way it’s bagged together and you can just put the bag in the fridge when we get home.
  • Grab that
  • Don’t let them suck you inside
  • You have too many compartments
  • Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
  • SWING THE BAT!!!!

King of Random

  • I just need a sniff of racing fuel
  • Nothing better than food in somebody else’s bowl
  • You’re in a real pickle, Dick
  • I need some crunch
  • I’m going to kick my belt out a notch
  • Stand down!
  • I’m just gonna baby swing it
  • Who feeds themselves to an anaconda?
  • Now I gotta delete those 168 pictures I took of the inside of my pocket
  • Ain’t no way that’s eighty yards
  • Will they have hoovie doovies?
  • You beat all, Barney
  • The cat’s tail is on fire. Oh wait. Never mind.
  • Comin’ in hot!
  • I’m done with them. I’m never watching the (insert one) Royals – Vikings – Wildcats again!

Romance:

  • Maybe it’s a beaverpecker?
  • You’re out of the bed pretty
  • Would you please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes?
  • You know how to run a chainsaw with the best of them
  • My leg is asleep

As I quizzed my daughter about her favorite ‘daddyisms’, she giggled and said, “I like it when he misunderstands what you say. It’s always way funnier the way he heard it rather than the way you said it. “

Me: “Honey? Could you grab the potatoes out of the shed?”
Him: “Could I hat the tomatoes in bed? What does that even mean? Who says that?”

Me: “We need to be at the school to grab the banners and move them to the field.”
Him: “It’s cool to have bananas and set them free?
Aren’t they already free?”
Pause
“Why do you need to set bananas free?”

Laughter has gotten us through some less-than-happy times—though we’ve had more than our lion’s share of joy. His sense of humor has stopped me in my tracks and wrenched me from pity parties, sour moods, and labor pains (really? who pinches his wife in inappropriate places during a contraction?)

Life is more fun and healthier if you can laugh a little every day. I’m so thankful to have married a man who makes my parenting journey fun and full of joy. I’m even more thankful that he’s set a precedent for my children. A good dad is all that they have ever known and I have no doubt that BD’s legacy will live in them.

Happy Father’s Day to all of my favorite Dads!! xo

~~~~~

Credit for the idea to capture the “husbandisms” comes from a talented writer/blogger: Erica Clay. In fact, if you need another place to go laugh, be sure to visit: 21 Things My Husband Says that Scare the Living Crap Out of Me.  Much to his dismay, I’ve been following BD around with a notebook ever since.

Audience Participation Time: What are some of your dad’s silliest ‘daddyisms’? Please share in the comments below!

45 thoughts on “Who’s Your Daddy?

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it, Paul! He was full of one-liners yesterday, too. The fame of being featured must have got his creative juices flowing.
      I hope you had a fantastic weekend!
      Michelle

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  1. Michelle, I can see why you and your husband are the perfect fit. As I often tell my wife, “I really like the way we fit together. And not just for naughty time.”

    His “Please tell you boobs tosstop staring at my eyes” made me laugh out loud . Your husband and I really need to have a beer some day.

    Happy Father’s Day to him, and your father — they done good 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yesssssss! I made Ned Hickson laugh out loud!
      It’s true – you two share a common thread of humor – I’m sure a beer is next 🙂
      I hope you had a fabulous Father’s Day with your beautiful family and I hope that this week is waaay better than the one you had last week.
      Though, I seem to recall a photo with a steak? Perhaps the choppers are working again?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, Michelle! And I hope your husband and your family had a wonderful day as well. Had steak and eggs for breakfast, so yeah — the choppers are back to full capacity and any week that starts with steak for breakfast is going to be a good one 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Much love on board, Michelle. Happy Father’s Day to Big Daddy and your daddy, my dear friend. 🙂 I just got back from a tailgate party and Syracue Chiefs baseball game with MDW Karen and my daughter Elisabeth and her boyfriend George Three and his parents. It was the perfect pre-Father’s Day day and evening. I’m sure those two adult kids have dadisms just from today from the mouths of me and George Two! 😮

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Father’s Day to you, Mark! I’m so glad you were able to do something fun with your dear wife Karen and daughter. My hubby spent the day at the ball diamond, watched our son’s team finally make it the championship finals. My daughter came home, so we all went to Jurassic World. All he wanted to do was watch the US Open and have taco night. We managed to fit in taco night 🙂

      I would love to hear your dadisms! I’m sure you have a profound (and funny) thought or two!

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    1. Hey Mark!
      I’m glad that made you laugh. I know that holidays like Father’s Day can be tough on folks.
      I’m giggling at ‘feeding him…food too.’ Poor daddy – it was a hectic day! I did manage to make some homemade tacos which always keeps him happy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Michelle, I think he and R would be hilarious together. R is famous for his isms, too, but his are more of the English-as-a-second-language variety. When he first met my mother, he told her that his job was tough because he had to swallow lots of frogs (or his pride, that’s what he meant). On an outing to the game, he told me, “I’m as happy as a kid in kindergarten with lots of snacks” (or a kid in a candy store, you decide). Oh, and then there’s, “Let’s go see the-peek-a-boo-me” (aka “Despicable Me”) and his famous, “Don’t die with your teeth in a glass”. That one defies explanation. Maybe he’s a dentist at heart.

    Happy Father’s Day to all.

    Love you, dear one,
    Dani

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG! I’m so glad you shared R’s isms! Having met him makes this all the more precious. I’m totally stealing “swallow lots of frogs” because that’s something I have to do almost everyday (those nasty things are tough to swallow!)
      And the “don’t die with your teeth in a glass” made me spit out my drink. Wise, wise man you have there, Dani.
      I hope you two had a good weekend – you were in my thoughts all throughout.
      Love you!
      Michelle

      Like

  4. I have to go with the guys here and say that “Would you please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes?” is my favorite but “Quit licking your sister” is a close second because it’s the untold story of my life. What an awesome tribute to your hubby and father! A sense of humor is lifesaving for sure. Matthew is notorious for getting the words to songs wrong like when Madonna sings, “from my head down to my toes,” he thought it was “from my head down to my sho-dos.” Enjoy pampering BD today! Maybe if he’s lucky you’ll take out your chainsaw. 😉 xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. BAHAHAHA! I love that Matthew sings to a different tune, er, lyric! Those are the best. I want some sho-dos!
      I hope that you and yours had a fabulous day. I haven’t been over to properly comment on your latest post, but it was your words about your husband that helped me finished mine (I’ve only had a draft of this since November!!!)
      Have a great week! xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I saved that text because a) it reminds me not to get too big for my britches and b) it makes me laugh every time.
      Thanks for the love on the wedding photo…my daddy looks so handsome 🙂 xoxoxo

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  5. This was funny! Love all the Dadisms. My dad is quiet and hardly says two words out loud when we’re together. But he got up at 6 am for over a year and took me to the church gym to teach me how to play basketball during high school so I could make the team and he never missed my games. He reads my books and tells me I’m better than Tom Clancy (soooo biased it’s scary), but I love him for that. But I couldn’t put down words he says that makes me laugh. My husband always makes me laugh all day long, but it’s because he’s goofy and silly, not necessarily because he’s jokey. He just tickles my funny bone, and I tickle his. We might seem boring to others, but we fit well together and are a laugh a minute when others aren’t around to make us go into quiet-observation mode.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “He just tickles my funny bone, and I tickle his.”
      Just yesterday, I told him kiddos how important it was to marry someone who makes you laugh. It makes the hard times less hard, and the sweet times so much sweeter.
      I loved that you shared the nuances of your dad. Really – can you think of anyone who is our biggest fan? My dad compares me to Garrison Keilor and it makes my heart swell every time (even though I know better!)
      I hope you and your family had a fabulous Father’s Day and that you are enjoying your summer. I should e-mail you, but will ask while I’m thinking of it. Are your books in hard print yet? I like having the hard copies of my friends’ books 🙂

      Like

      1. Yes, being able to laugh with each other is so helpful and makes life fun. We did have a fun Father’s Day and now I have to paint my downstairs this week. Ick! I’ll be glad to get that done. I just emailed you a link to my books. Have a great day, Michelle.

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  6. My husband is hilarious – especially when he’s not trying to be….could that not be said of all husbands?
    I’m so glad you took this route Michelle. You gave all of us a laugh this Father’s Day. I can definitely see why you fell for him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YAY! So glad he made you laugh!
      We spent the weekend at the ball diamonds and I added several more BD-isms to my growing list. (“I smell bread. Why do I smell bread?”)
      I also remember the very first article I read about you (was it on Coach Daddy’s site?) You spoke to the humor of your hubby and the bond that laughter creates. I also think that they would be friends and keep us both in stitches.
      Happy Father’s Day to your hubby…I know it was his almost official first 🙂 xo

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      1. LOL! This whole conversation is making me crack up! I’m stranded at the Atlanta airport full of horrible visuals of our poor husbands defending themselves.
        Seriously. I need sleep 🙂

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  7. Sorry, I am a few days behind Father’s Day. Loved this post, with all these personal quotes that makes your ‘Big Daddy’ unique and very special.
    Thank you for sharing. May there be many more cherished “husbandism” memories in the years ahead.
    Blessings,
    ~Carl~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Carl!
      So great to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave me your kind words. I hope you are having a wonderful summer and getting some road miles in. I just started really running again last week!
      Many blessings to you, too. Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

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