I am surrounded by fantastic dads.
I was raised by one and I’m married to one. My husband was raised by a great father and my brothers/brothers in-laws are awesome dads, too. I pray to One and am surrounded by daddy friends and coaches who are amazing, too.
See a theme here?
It would be easy to get mushy and sappy, and I’m taking a decidedly a different direction. In fact, I gave my Dad his present earlier in the week and couldn’t bring myself to write down all of the emotions that come with being the oldest daughter of a great man. His daughter, the writer, unceremoniously pushed his gift in front of him without a single note of sentiment. He drank his coffee while he thumbed through the book, So God Made a Farmer, and I hoped he understood all I couldn’t say – I’m so proud and blessed to be his and love him more every day.
There’s another good daddy I see almost every day. I won’t embarrass him with a lot of sap and mush either. He’s not big on sentiment, wiggles when I hold his hand, and is way too humble when I tell him what a great father he is to our two kiddos. I leave all of the hard stuff to him and I’d be lost if I had to fight the battles alone.
My husband is hilarious – especially when he’s not trying to be. Back in the day, girls fell at this feet because of his ice-blue eyes, crooked smile, and cute butt.
I rolled my eyes at his legion of blonde, big-haired, video vamp look-a-likes and ignored him. But, it didn’t take long to notice that behind those blues eyes lay a kind heart and wicked sense of dry humor. Not just “sorta funny”, but laugh-out-loud-and-snort-your-beer-funny.
As a gift to him and my kids, I’m going to share quotes and one-liners from Big Daddy himself. While these may be “you had to be there” moments, there will be people who will know exactly what I’m talking about.
Schtuff Big Daddy Says
- Quit licking your sister
- Get off me!
- AUGH! Why are you sharing your body heat with me?
- You can only get that thing so clean
- Don’t drink the meat
- What is he DOING in there?
- This room is so small; I have to go outside to change my mind
- If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose
- If its and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas
- It’s finer than frog hair
- Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs
- Tighter than a gnat’s a$$ stretched over a rain barrel
- I guess you shouldn’t shake a candle to put it out
- It smells like cat sh*^t in here
- Just take a leaf blower to it
- Where’s the spray for the dog puke?
- You need to grass this whole yard
- That’s not how you clean a potato
Friends don’t let BD Text
- Just skip it and go stare at the mountains
- I got a little container of spackling to fill the holes 🙂
- Sure, if you can walk around in non-standing water
- I just didn’t want you to get in the habit of biting things
- I know, I might do it in the dark
- Your son’s EMAW shirt doesn’t even go to his waist, I made him change
- Don’t normal people register vehicles?
How to do Everything Better
- Scoop and Swoop! You should scoop all of the bacon—then put it on the plate in one swoop
- Who needs this many pillows?
- You’re messing up my system
- Keep all the meat in one spot. That way it’s bagged together and you can just put the bag in the fridge when we get home.
- Grab that
- Don’t let them suck you inside
- You have too many compartments
- Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
- SWING THE BAT!!!!
King of Random
- I just need a sniff of racing fuel
- Nothing better than food in somebody else’s bowl
- You’re in a real pickle, Dick
- I need some crunch
- I’m going to kick my belt out a notch
- Stand down!
- I’m just gonna baby swing it
- Who feeds themselves to an anaconda?
- Now I gotta delete those 168 pictures I took of the inside of my pocket
- Ain’t no way that’s eighty yards
- Will they have hoovie doovies?
- You beat all, Barney
- The cat’s tail is on fire. Oh wait. Never mind.
- Comin’ in hot!
- I’m done with them. I’m never watching the (insert one) Royals – Vikings – Wildcats again!
- Maybe it’s a beaverpecker?
- You’re out of the bed pretty
- Would you please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes?
- You know how to run a chainsaw with the best of them
- My leg is asleep
As I quizzed my daughter about her favorite ‘daddyisms’, she giggled and said, “I like it when he misunderstands what you say. It’s always way funnier the way he heard it rather than the way you said it. “
Me: “Honey? Could you grab the potatoes out of the shed?”
Him: “Could I hat the tomatoes in bed? What does that even mean? Who says that?”
Me: “We need to be at the school to grab the banners and move them to the field.”
Him: “It’s cool to have bananas and set them free?
Aren’t they already free?”
“Why do you need to set bananas free?”
Laughter has gotten us through some less-than-happy times—though we’ve had more than our lion’s share of joy. His sense of humor has stopped me in my tracks and wrenched me from pity parties, sour moods, and labor pains (really? who pinches his wife in inappropriate places during a contraction?)
Life is more fun and healthier if you can laugh a little every day. I’m so thankful to have married a man who makes my parenting journey fun and full of joy. I’m even more thankful that he’s set a precedent for my children. A good dad is all that they have ever known and I have no doubt that BD’s legacy will live in them.
Happy Father’s Day to all of my favorite Dads!! xo
Credit for the idea to capture the “husbandisms” comes from a talented writer/blogger: Erica Clay. In fact, if you need another place to go laugh, be sure to visit: 21 Things My Husband Says that Scare the Living Crap Out of Me. Much to his dismay, I’ve been following BD around with a notebook ever since.
Audience Participation Time: What are some of your dad’s silliest ‘daddyisms’? Please share in the comments below!