I can hear your whisper and distant mutter.
I can smell your damp on the breeze and in the sky I see the halo of your violence.
Storm I know you are coming.
It feels like it could snow.
I haven’t looked at a forecast or a weather radar, but there’s enough farmer’s daughter in me to recognize the signs.
Dewy bird feeders
Sudden wind shift from South to Northwest
Like the slate-grey skies, our life is getting ready to storm, too.
Hubs starts a new job
Dane starts driving to school
Tanna enters a semester of busy classes and work
I’ve added two more states to the day-job travel – 9 total
I sense a foreboding of comings and goings and wits-end conversations delivered via text messages. There is a premonition of mental exhaustion and math homework discussed by the light of Facetime and the hum of a hotel heater. I predict piles of laundry and frantic calls to the village (Grandma and Grandpa) to help with impossible scheduling situations. My mind’s eye sees a neglected keyboard and dusty journals – it also catches a glimpse of the red numbers blaring 3 a.m. on the ceiling.
But, I’m not thinking about those things right now. Not really.
At this moment, my brain possesses an odd sense of peace, and the monkeys are uncharacteristically quiet. I’m not nervous or worried – but I am mentally preparing.
Button up the coat
Polish the boots
Prep the shovels, find the sand
Buy the bread
Check the milk
Fold the socks, put them away
Run, Box, Yoga – repeat
Inhale, Exhale – breathe
Have patience, don’t lose your cool
Thankfully, this winter hasn’t taken its toll on me like it typically does. For that reason, I’m a little less freaked out about the February and March to come. It’s been so warm over the last couple of weeks that the tulips are bursting through the crusty ground. The lilac bushes are fat with plump buds and the promise of profuse purple petals.
On Sunday, I gathered up my garden journals, graph paper, and seed packets. I dirtied my neglected nails by concocting a secret seed-starting mixture in a huge plastic tub. By the time the boys had returned from baseball practice, I had six flats full of snapdragons, cosmos and marigolds – and a huge smile on my face.
Truthfully, there are other things I should be doing, but I’m trying to remove that “s” word from my vocabulary. Instead of making huge lists, I’m spending time in a bubble of balance.
write – read
cook – clean
pray – give thanks
talk – listen
work – play
asleep – awake
give – take
love – let go
I don’t have it all figured out, but some days, balance seems almost achievable and not the heavy yoke it can be when trying to stay level and grounded. For every stop, I’ve been able to find a go. For every yes, I’ve learned to provide a no.
Is this feeling real? Have I really discovered balance?
Ha! I’ve been doing this long enough to recognize the signs of a torrent atmosphere. I don’t need to check the radar or review the forecast.
I know…it’s my calm before the storm.