5 Things Men will never Understand about Women

BD (Big Daddy) married me almost 23 years ago and still doesn’t understand how pillows work on the bed. His choice would be to leave them laying on the floor; allowing the bed to more accessible when it was time to turn in for the night. In fact, if it were up to him, the bed would never be made and always ready for the rare, spontaneous nap. The few days that he’s been brave enough to arrange them, the pillows typically look like this:

Exhibit A
Exhibit A

A nice, appreciated effort–but wrong. He watched me rearrange his masterpiece and exclaimed, “I just don’t get pillows. Why do women need so many pillows?”

Ding! Ding! Ding! A seed idea for my next article! My family is starting to recognize the “Blog Idea Look” when the spacey light bulb-ish expression comes across my face. Poor BD, he knew it was too late and even cowered when I sent him an e-mail asking about other things men don’t understand about women. He responded a few hours later and said, “I haven’t got back to you yet on your question. I have to handle that with kid gloves.”

He’s such a smart man.

5 things Men don’t understand about Women

Admittedly, there are way more things that men don’t get about women than the measly five listed below. But in the interest of brevity and to keep any(accidental/forced) male readers engaged in this post, I’ll keep it short.

1) The Female Brain:

rottenecard_94678016_6bqcmypb5c

Need an example? Consider the man/woman brainwaves in the following car driving scenario:

Female Goddess: What a nice day. So pretty outside. Why is he so quiet? He barely said anything before we walked out the door. Now, he’s just looking off into space. I wonder what he’s thinking. Did he find out about the door ding on the car? Oh man. I think he knows. He must be mad. Yep, he looks mad. Crap. Should I come clean now or just wait for him to say something? Why won’t he talk? Can’t he see that I’m dying over here? He’s so moody. I clean his house, wash his clothes, cook his dinner…what’s a little door ding? But, if it’s not the door ding, then what is it? Maybe he thinks I’m getting fat or hates what I’m wearing. I thought I looked kinda cute. I DO look cute! Look at my hair and I have cleavage today. Why does he have to be so hard on me! Ugh. I hate this day.”

Clueless Hubby/Boyfriend: “That’s a cool car. I like cars. Fast cars. Kinda hungry though. Look..Boobies!”

2) Shoes. YES, we do need 4 or 5 different pairs of black shoes. To name a few, there are pumps, sandals, stiletto’s, Mary Jane’s, flats, booties and peep toes–all of which are found in black. Black booties with an A-line skirt make us look like we have short legs but are kickin’ with a new pair of “Miss Me” jeans.  Mary Janes are typically reserved for business and there are times when even our men know that naughty, sexy stilettos trumps flip-flops on date night.

3) Fat Jeans. In case of chocolate, or periods…or both.

4) Crying. Personally, I’m not much of a crier which is why poor BD is completely caught off guard when it happens. It could be anything from a major life crisis like an illness or death in the family to a less than critical, but equally traumatic event like a Hallmark commercial or a baby bird laying dead on the street.

5) Women do fuzzy math. Age, weight, cost of an item. In all instances, we round it down. Example: If something costs $95.95, hubby will tell me it cost him $100. If he asks me the same question, I’ll say it was closer to $80-ish. Give or take twenty bucks depending upon the item.

Now, for a little bonus. Words and phrases men should always avoid in order to dodge hair-pulling drama and arguments that often arise in an otherwise happy, normal day.

Fighting Words–

  • Did you mean to cut your hair that short?
  • That must run in your family.
  • You sound like your mom.
  • You sound like my mom.
  • How much did that cost?
  • Are you going to wear that?
  • What did you do to it? (In reference to a non-working can opener, a TV, a garage door, the internet router). Don’t question it…just FIX IT!!
  • Oh, I get it. You’re getting ready to have your period, aren’t you?

Equally important phrases from your woman that signal a fight has already begun:

  • Fine!
  • I’m fine.
  • Go ahead.
  • I don’t care.
  • Whatever.

We know we can be hard to handle and don’t envy your job. If this article were truly helpful, I could have clued you in on the “why behind the what” as well as what you can actually do to keep us happy.

But, that’s no fun for anybody.

Admittedly, some of us delight in driving you crazy. You probably wouldn’t have it any other way. God created men and women different for so many obvious reasons (plus, I think He has a wonderfully warped sense of humor). 

Hopefully, you can hang with us and continue to lovingly wade your way through the pillows to find the deep, soft heart reserved just for you.

Exhibit B
Exhibit B

Addendum: To my 2-4.5 regular male readers. What did I leave out? What else don’t you understand about women? Enlighten us in the comments below.

Go Ahead.

39 thoughts on “5 Things Men will never Understand about Women”

  1. Bed pillows, my husband and I just had (yet another) discussion on that. They want to know why we need so many? The real question here is, how do they manage with so few? I mean, really! ;)

    1. Oh Jennie! You are SO right!
      How would these guys ever be comfortable without us? I caved on the bed skirt, but won’t give up the pillows. Thanks for stopping by and reading.
      Michelle

  2. Hahaha! This post had me giggling several times! …. mostly because it’s so true! Poor guys. Next up – “What Women Don’t Understand About Men”?

  3. Funny post! I am afraid its not me though. I always round up, hubs always rounds down. I only have on pair of black shoes, and fat jeans, well, if I am feeling fat I skip the jeans all together! LOL Thanks for giving me some food for thought.

    1. Hi Shannon! Thanks for reading and most importantly, weighing in. I’m right there with you on the fat jeans (sweats are sooo much better on those days). I’m also beginning to think I made a mistake on the round up and round down thing. You are the 4th woman I’ve heard from who has stated that hubby rounds down :) The whole shoe thing kinda snuck up on me and I’m not proud…I promise to get better.
      Thanks again for stopping by!

  4. Man here. I have a question. When you’re/we’re lost why do women insist on getting directions? Where’s your sense of adventure? This always mystifies me. :-)

    Great post, btw.

    1. Hello brave man! Great question…I have no idea why we are that way. In fact, I have to google maps and Garmin before I do anywhere new (I travel to 7 different states). Hubby just hops in the car and goes. Oh to be that carefree…how do you boys do it?

      1. Drive-thrus and no lines at men’s toilets.
        ;-)

        You know, a friend of mine and i went to a food show last Friday. The line for the ladies restroom was around the block. Why might be a humours topic for you in the future.

        Have a great day!

  5. This is so funny. YES YES to the bed pillows (and couch pillows!) though he is actually the one who believes in making a bed whereas I like to leave the shape of my body imprinted with an outline of blankets where I’ve been ;)

    1. Hi friend! Thanks for stopping in :-) I’ve had so much fun reading the replies (agreeing and disagreeing) with my observations. I’m guessing your man may prefer the bed made, but probably appreciates the your body imprint ;-) I’m hopping over to comment on your latest story…all I can say is WOW!

  6. Ahhhh, I love all of this! Joe is the SAME way about the pillows, and the shoes. We haven’t yet been married for a YEAR….he’s got a looooong road ahead of him, muahahaha. Oh, and I laughed hard at the rounding down of prices. I DO THAT ALL THE TIME!

    1. YAY! Another woman who rounds down! Of the five, that was the most “controversial” ;-) As for Joe, I’m guessing he happily chose that road (and likely adores your evil laugh!)
      Thanks for stopping by, Nicole!

  7. OK. Wait. Why *do* you need so many pillows? I agree with everything here except am totally confused about the pillow issue. Perhaps this is because I’m Korean and there is not nearly as robust a pillow culture (yes I’m making that term up).

    But seriously. What do you do with all those pillows? Is there some kind of pillow secret that I’ve not been let in on?

    1. Hello Jisun!

      Thank you for stopping by :-) And, just so you know, I absolutely love what you call “made up terms” (Kimch Latkes!) and am giggling at what a robust pillow culture might look like.

      Not sure where the whole pillow thing comes from. Hubby likes a more masculine, uncluttered home, so the pillows are counter to the usual way I decorate my home. Perhaps it’s my way of winning. I’ll keep the counters cleaned off and free of knick knacks, but the bed (and couch) will always be filled with decorative pillows. It’s his little paisley reminder that a woman lives here, too.

      Hope you and your family are well!!

      Michelle

      > Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2014 18:06:35 +0000 > To: mt_rd@hotmail.com >

      1. Well there is the answer. I am responsible for 90% of the clutter in our house but can’t bear having anything”extra” on the bed. And I see my knickknacks on our counters as evidence that I live there. Perhaps that should be called “counter culture”? ;)

  8. I don’t see the problem with the pillows the hubby arranged them. Beautiful chaos. Randomness with purpose. Mind you, I am an arranger like you are. I like a certain IKEA-ness about the place. I am the neat freak in the house. I just spent 30 minutes rearranging (and purging) my two young son’s bedroom shelves. just the shelves. I haven’t touched anything else yet. I am the guy that would love to have colour coded sock drawers. Maybe custom built Lego boxes. A satched just for dog poop bags. I am almost as neurotic as the dude from Julia Robert’s Sleeping with the Enemy.

    Other than that, I am a lost heathen of a man. I am not usually thinking of anything more than what’s in front of me, perhaps except organizing the kitchen pots and pans alphabetically according to main compositional materials (Aluminum, Brass, Cast Iron, etc) Don’t get me started.

    Shoes is the only thing I don’t understand nor will I ever hence I don’t even bother. I have two pairs – formal and not formal. That is, black and runners. Am I missing something? Never mind.

    Great stuff – I am sure that I qualify for any other sort of “guys are like this” kind of lists. thanks for enlightening me :)

    Paul, staring at a screen

    1. Oh Paul, you had me at “color coded sock drawers.”
      I’m still laughing! Funny….my husband is just as much of an arranger as I am (maybe more), which is why I can’t understand the daily pillow fight (oh, wait, I think I just got it!).
      For the record, I never had a shoe problem until my best friend corrupted me. Thank goodness I didn’t know her in college.
      Thank you for stopping by–I truly enjoyed your clever response!
      Michelle

  9. I wisely avoid conflicts like this by kissing my wife and telling her I love her.
    Oh, and being supportive.
    (And making sure my smart phone is fully charged when we go shopping.)

    But honestly, she makes it easy for me!

    1. You are a wise man, El Guapo.
      My husband has a similar approach: he follows a potentially volatile comment with the cutest, most crooked smile and bluest eye twinkle ever. It’s worse when I’m already mad ;-) I don’t have any defense against that!

  10. This is great, sounds like what goes on in my head when my husband is looking off into space!! but my husband always says “happy wife, Happy life” so for the most part I try my best not to think of what he’s thinking and sometimes just ask, especially if my brain is on over drive.

    1. Sounds like excellent advice from a very smart woman. Actually, my hubby makes it easy on me. He taught me years ago that I don’t have to read in between lines because “men don’t talk in between the lines.”
      Here’s the real irony though…I came home last night after working out of town for 3 days and found the bed perfectly made with all of the pillows arranged just right!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting…I hope to get over to your site later today!
      Michelle

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